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As expats raising a multilingual child in the Netherlands, our journey with Selective Mutism began in a way many parents might recognize—with confusion and concern. Our three-year-old son was full of joy at home, chattering away in Turkish and Persian (our native languages), filling our house with stories and laughter. But at preschool, it was as if a switch had been flipped. The vibrant, talkative child we knew became silent, creating an invisible wall between himself and his peers.
Looking back, the signs were subtle yet significant. While we initially attributed his quietness to typical shyness—after all, both my partner and I were reserved children ourselves—there was something different about his silence. During visits to our home countries, we watched in amazement as he transformed into an energetic, uninhibited child around grandparents and cousins. This stark contrast between his behavior in familiar and unfamiliar settings became our first clue that we were dealing with something more complex than simple shyness.
Our wake-up call came during a preschool meeting. After two years of attendance, his teachers revealed that our son wasn't participating in group activities or interacting with other children. This news hit us hard—we had assumed he was gradually adjusting and making connections. It was then we realized that his dependence on our presence for confidence and communication wasn't just a phase; it was a pattern that needed attention.
Our journey took a meaningful turn when our son's preschool educators recommended speech therapy – a concept relatively new to us. Through this recommendation, we connected with Ms. Munisha Lieuw A Sie, an experienced speech therapist who would become key to understanding our son's situation.
Munisha's thorough approach involved three dedicated sessions with our son, where she assessed his language capabilities. Her evaluation showed our son had a good grasp of Dutch for his level – understanding 3-4 word sentences and following instructions well. What proved crucial was her additional step of observing our son at preschool.
There, seeing the stark contrast between his capable language skills and his complete silence in some social settings, she suspected what we had attributed to shyness might actually be "Selective Mutism." This was our first encounter with the term, and it marked a turning point in understanding our son's challenges.
Selective Mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder characterized by a child's inability to speak in certain social situations, such as at school or in public, despite being able to speak comfortably in settings where they feel secure, like at home.
Research suggests that Selective Mutism has both genetic and environmental components:
What sets SM apart from shyness goes deeper than most people realize:
Selective Mutism can significantly impact a child's social and educational development if left untreated. Reflecting on my own childhood, I believe I personally experienced some level of selective mutism or social anxiety. I remember that in elementary school, even when I knew the answers to questions, I was afraid to share them. In some situations, I felt overwhelmed just thinking about speaking in front of a few people. I might have held myself back from forming close friendships because I was not comfortable in the environment or with my peers.
This could be the story of any child with Selective Mutism. It can affect their ability to participate in class, make friends, and engage in social activities. As parents, we should strive to create a supportive environment to help them express themselves without putting too much pressure on them or making speaking a challenge. They will eventually open up, especially as time passes, but it's crucial to seek help from specialists in this field.
Effective treatment approaches often combine multiple strategies:
For children growing up in environments where the language spoken at home differs from the community language, improving their proficiency in the community language can be a key factor in overcoming Selective Mutism. Enhancing language skills can boost their confidence and comfort in social situations. Therefore, focusing on language development—especially if the child exhibits more severe SM symptoms in a particular language—should be an integral part of the treatment plan.
Our journey with Selective Mutism continues, but we're no longer walking in darkness. Through understanding, support, and proper intervention, children with SM can find their voice and thrive.
Remember: Every child's journey is unique, but with patience, understanding, and proper support, progress is possible. The silence can be broken, one small step at a time.
